While I still have an equal mix of good days and bad, I’m finding my new normal while on rest. My weeks have a sense of routine again (instead of a feeling of scrambling, panic, and wondering how we’re going to get through). Our support systems are falling into place and we have contingency plans ready in case of all the potential “what if’s”.
On my good days, I feel like working again and I love the sense of productivity I feel after hammering away on my laptop for a few hours -so thankful to have a job that can be done while resting on the couch. On my bad days (bleeding and/or contractions), I give myself permission to curl up and watch TV all day. My uterus is becoming more and more irritable and I’ll be asking for meds to calm my contractions at my next OB appointment.
We know that the new baby is another boy (two ultrasounds showing definite boy parts confirmed the boy-feeling I’ve had throughout this pregnancy). Name has been decided, but will remain top secret until Baby Boy’s arrival. Little boys are so much fun to raise and I’m delighted to be having a third son!
The ultrasounds also showed that my complications are not worsening at this point. There is still bleeding under part of the placenta (looks like I have a small extra lobe of placenta where the bleeding is coming from, also called an accessory lobe or succenturiate lobe) and an area on the posterior side of my uterus where the membranes are separating. Both could cause preterm labour or PPROM (preterm premature rupture of membranes), which is why I am still limited to being a couch potato and likely will be until this baby is ready to arrive. The extra lobe of placenta could cause bleeding problems at delivery and I’ll just need to be monitored carefully. Both the main placenta and the accessory lobe are in an okay location and it doesn’t appear that a c-section will be necessary at this point.
The New Normal Still To Come
With all the adjustment of finding this new normal and coping with yet another difficult pregnancy, Corey and I have decided that this is our last baby. My OB agrees as well that my uterus is done! A little over two years ago, I wrote how we would be managing my endometriosis through pregnancy and breastfeeding. We were good with the prospect of having a big family. Now, two more pregnancies later, it’s time to figure out a Plan B. My tubes will be removed 6 weeks after my due date and I’ll likely have a hysterectomy within the next couple years. I thought I would feel a sense of sadness when this time came, but in reality I feel a sense of peace and relief. I’m delighted to be having a fourth child, but I admit that (for the first time) I have that “done” feeling that people describe when their family is complete.
I’m ready to focus on growing my businesses instead of growing babies. I’m ready to find a new normal in managing my endometriosis that allows me to enjoy my children as they grow up. I’m excited to permanently have my body back to myself in a couple years when this baby is done breastfeeding.
In the meantime, as I dream about the new normal coming with this next stage of life and adjust to my temporary new normal for the remainder of this pregnancy, I’m doing my best to cherish each minute of my last pregnancy. Each kick and movement is extra sweet, knowing that this is the last baby that my body will hold.